You probably can't read the plaque on the Heisman, but it says: "1997 Heisman Award - Not Peyton Manning." Of course, if your vision was as good as Peyton's, you probably could have read that. You could have also used your laser sharp eyes to re-engrave the plaque, which still wouldn't have given you the trophy, but it would been pretty sweet. You could even lasereyeengrave "Eli" on there and dot the "i" with a heart or a Confederate flag or a trip or something. Over 63% of Volunteer fans had to be told that the gentleman in the left of the photo is not Tee Martin. The same fans did demand prize Circus Peanuts candy because they knew it "wasn't Peyton."     "O'er there! The beast on yon hill! We have angered him most horribly, and his aweful yell doth sprade across our town like a banshee in the night! Woe, where will we seek shelter from the beast? How will we sate his unending appetite? Once a year, he emerges from his deep slumber to eat...nay, feast...on our children and livestock. When he is done feasting, his innards rumble like the bitter earth and a sick plague emerges from his gorryhole to kill our crops and pollute our streams. NOT THIS MOON. NOT THIS TIME. This fortnight of our suffering will be his undoing - who will come with me to defeat the beast? Any Volunteers?"     GROUNDSKEEPER CLETUS: "Coach, we've got to finish the painting and putting up the pilons and waxing the goalposts and some other stuff that needs waxing, so if you could finish up, we'd really appreciate it." COACH: "King me!" Bye, week! After a brief sabbatical to allow Herman Johnson to trick-or-treat (he consumed over 63 lbs. of candy corn, or as Trindon Holliday calls them, "parking cones"), the Tigers are back in the game. They head to Knoxville this week to face the Vols of Tnnss x e4 in a matchup of highly-ranked SEC squads who HATE EACH OTHERS FACES! There's have been some emotional games in this contest...from the overtime in Baton Rouge to the nailbiter in Knoxville to the 2001 SEC Championship, where the Tigers sent a huge orange crowd home with their orange roses in hand, national championship hopes butchered like the mangled mountain-speak of the Vols fan. The most painful of course was last year's Monday night tussle, where LSU players were reeling from having to cope with a practice field as a triage center. The Vols won in overtime and planted a flag in the field, like a moon landing. Considering the cratered trunk of Tennessee's coach, it's no surprise that the Vols players were familiar with the flag planting. There are of course differences - the moon has the Sea of Tranquility, while the celestial body Fulmer has the Navel of Despair, the Folds of Evermisery, the Hairpatch Major, and the Nipple of Cerberus. Pretty cool Tang-colored flag, though. The Tigers enter this game healthy after a week rest; Tnnss x e4 is a little dinged, with starting quarterback Erik Ainge a little gimpy. It probably won't matter with runtreject David Cutcliffe back in the ochre - he can run a toss sweep but is he deputized? We saw the injured list for the Vols and were a bit confused...where is the "assault?" Wherever it is, the list said about a dozen Vols seem to have aggravated theirs. A few others were favoring their indictments, and at least one player had completely torn his parole. If Tnnss x e4's depleted secondary is in need of help, rumor had it that coach Pat Summitt laid out a Vol receiver in practice during the spring and stood above him and asked if "he wanted some more agonyjam on his paintoast." She even offered to cut it diagonally like his grammy used to do it. This game will be a huge clash of SEC powerhouses - the mountainfolk will definitely temporarily cease foraging to catch this scuffle. Heck, Bill Dance may even put the tackle up for the weekend, and largemouth bass everywhere will breath a few bubbles of relief. Slacked jaws will be dragged down Peyton Manning Pass (which inexplicably finishes up somewhere important), and some might even stop in Tee Martin Facility Services Public Restroom 3rd Stall for some quick relief and/or a sip. Finally, they'll show security no flasks (or teeth) in their coonskin caps, and make their way into Neyland Stadium to listen to 4 hours of mind-numbing A-Clockwork-Vol-Orange "Rocky Top." The Vols have the (Albert) Means to make this a very competitive contest, but Chase Pittman is frothy and you know what that means the Chasefroth is like acid from that thing thing in Jurassic Park that sprayed Newman in the face and here come the agonyjam, Rocky Toppers! Rocky Top, Rocky Top, Rocky Top, Rocky Top, Rocky Top, Rocky Top, Rocky Top, Rocky Top, Rocky Top, Rocky Top, Rocky Top, Rocky Top, Rocky Top, Rocky Top, Rocky Top, Rocky Top, Rocky Top, Rocky Top, Rocky Top, Rocky Top, Rocky Top, Rocky Top, Rocky Top, Rocky Top, Rocky Top, Rocky Top, Rocky Top, Rocky Top, Rocky Top, Rocky Top, Rocky Top, Rocky Top, Rocky Top: 21 Tigers: 31 Welcome to The Trough, a place that really gets to the meat of LSU's opponents. Ok, not so much the meat, but the sinewy gristle and thick connective tissue. We then feed these funbits through a grinder to get a coarse meaty bounty, and that's what is on display here. It should be a given that while The Trough is loosely related to LSUChicageaux.com, it's more like a Baton Rouge uncle than a Tuscaloosa cousin. In other words, what's in The Trough is obviously not endorsed by any official LSU entity. They've got better sense than that.