"Tell you what, basketball team...you can keep Ashley! WE GOTS OUR OWN JUDDS! TWO OF THEM! IN YOUR FACE!"     In a world...where one chafe or a bad itchy case of the Spurriers can destroy a man...only one topical application is powerful enough to ease the suffering. Which unguent will be the one to soothe the pain? To eliminate the redness? To prevent the friction? To remove what looks like brick dust on cottage cheese? Will you take advantage of KY's dual nature? Or will you turn to Boudreaux's witch hazel? In a clash for the ages, these two cerates clash...LA vs KY...to decide who will finally be used to soothe the pulsing horrid turbid abrasion! DAMN YOU TEBOW!! Oh well...no use crying over Leaked milk, not when there's more football to be played! This week welcomes the Wildcats of Kentucky into Baton Rouge. Here's hoping they don't slip on the juicy Tuitama chunks left from the last "Wildcats" visit. This matchup has proved as interesting over the years as other foes - purple pants, last second field goals, and of course Marcus Randall's Dash Right 93 Berlin rainmaker to Jackdevery Hunthenderson. Heaven forfend this game rely on such heroics, though if it does, it's safe to say that JaMarcus wouldn't bother with the piddly "tip drill" ballheave, nay, he'd simply thread the ball through the thoracic cavities of several Kentucky defenders like that laser in that Real Genius movie with Val Kilmer and that guy Lazlo who is also Uncle Rico. Since Dwayne Bowe's eyes are now laser-enhanced he would be able to see the ball and catch it for the score. Man, lasers are awesome. Kentucky is without their starting tailback Rafael Little, who has a terrible case of "Jeanfrancoisitis," which is the gripping fear of having your organs liquified by brute dorseyforce. It's typically cured by electrolyte baths; for example, an early Gatorade shower can sometimes help. The boys in blue have no choice but to thrust their backup tailback into Death Valley to face off against a seriously angry Tiger defensive line. The good news? When this chap relieves his bladder in abject fear, the resulting stain will blend with the blue pants to make green, which will look like a grass stain - the perfect cover! The bad news is that when this poor limbs are torn off (fumble!) in a fit of white hot darryrage, the red mixes with the blue to make purple and that's like the mark of the LSU beast! This game will unfortunately not be televised. CBS waited so long to exercise their SEC TV option that they left LSU and TigerVision in a lurch. To make up for this unfortunate turn of events, CBS has planned a special lineup of programming to cater to those slighted Louisiana residents. The slate includes: Cocodrie Dreams - Susan Lucci makes a triumphant return to television, playing Lenora Loignon, the wife of a drunk shrimper. A preacherman from Fluker arrives one day to spread fiery Florida Parish faith; he intends to spread the word like a castnet, but ends up capturing only Lenora's heart. Will Lenora be able to peel the shell she's hidden in for all of her life, or will this affair carry too dangerous a scent? Two and a Half Bruhs - The story of brothers Clyde and Clifton Chaisson. Clyde plays the womanizing charming welder, while Clifton plays the awkward accountant. The role of the fat wisecracking kid is actually played by Rocky Oustalet, the local DJ who is the "half" because he doesn't have legs; one was ripped off by a gator and the other was lost in a freak thresher accident. The thresher was nicknamed "Gator." CSI: Vacherie - Using only the most sophisticated technologies, like magnifying glasses and the needle - floating - on - the - cork - compass, detective Coy Thibeaux is able to find the nefarious and sadistic criminal who cut Coy's trot line, which had at least 30 lbs. of good channel catfish on that thing. Starring Kenneth Branagh as Sheriff T-Boot Gaudin. NUMB3RS, DUDE - A student at Galliano Elementary teaches his brother the multiplication tables up to the sixes they'll cover sevens next week. Without a Trace - Opelousas Police Department must play in the local Fire Department vs. Police Department basketball fundraiser without their sharpshooter, Trace Meche, who like absolutely lit up Ville Platte for like 45 points one night in high school. Cold Case - Rusty Bouillon and his podnuhs head out one night looking for a case of cold beer, only to find every convenience store in Kaplan shut down because the convenience store workers are all at the Chic-a-la-pie Parade. He is forced to drive 20 minutes to French Quarter Daiquiris in Lafayette and instead of beer settles on a Sex on the Beach with 4 extra shots. The New Adventures of Old Emile - Verne Lundquist stars as Mr. Emile Boustany, who has a new "adventure" every day because he can't remember the previous day, mostly due to the 10 scotches he has every morning for breakfast. With Phyllis Diller as Sheriff T-Boot Gaudin. Mildcats hahaha get it mild not wild: 3, Tigers: 35 Welcome to The Trough, a place that really gets to the meat of LSU's opponents. Ok, not so much the meat, but the sinewy gristle and thick connective tissue. We then feed these funbits through a grinder to get a coarse meaty bounty, and that's what is on display here. It should be a given that while The Trough is loosely related to LSUChicageaux.com, it's more like a Baton Rouge uncle than a Tuscaloosa cousin. In other words, what's in The Trough is obviously not endorsed by any official LSU entity. They've got better sense than that.