"Say there, Spike! How's abouts we take USC to the wire but don't finish the deal, huh, buddy? Can we? Hey Spike! Spike! Whaddya say we let Utah State beat us by a single lonely point, huh buddy? Wouldn't that be fun? Hey Spike! How many points you think we should let the Tigers score? More than the Rainbow Warriors? Boy, Spike, you're my best pal ever except for June Jones. After we leave here we get to go to Boise State and whaddya know their field is blue. Like me inside, Spike. Blue."     PatHill's oral hairring is a testament that he is indeed a different breed of man. A stunning homage to those male adult stars of yesteryear plays out every morning on his face, as the follicular Gateway Arch guarding his maw serves as a fuzzy megaphone that allows him to focus his manyell. Let us seek shelter beneath its shady crescent. Oh look, some chicken salad from lunch. Mmm, dill.     "Gentlemen! Welcome to Baton Rouge! I love the smell of Col. Ichabod Conk's Rio Grande Lavender in the morning! Note: This photo was taken at approximately 5:27 a.m. CST. By 11:15, the facial hair had fully encircled the mouth, completing the HOOP OF AWESOME from which Pat Hill derives his power. You can't see it here but PatHill's lipquilt actually vibrates as each individual hair beats like cilia. Sometimes when he's in his office quietly drawing up plays or petting David Carr's photo, an owl will slam into the window and smash its owly head because it thought the steady pulsing rhythm from PatHill's face was a field mouse, which is pretty neat when you consider that both "mouse" and "moustache" begin with "mous" and both are soft like an angel hug. Oh goody! It's WACky weekend in Tiger Town, as the Tigers welcome the Mighty Fighting PatHills from Fresno State! PatHill's Paris Hilton-like mantra of "Anybody. Anytime. Anywhere." has paid dividends, as the college world clearly recognizes that the Bulldogs and their Coach-of-many-face-hairs are just plain nuts. They are college's version of Jekyl-and-Hyde...the team that can stretch Leinart and Bush's USC to the limit yet implode against the Wolf Pack of Nevada the very next week. PatHill, his glorious mouthcrescent (who shall henceforth be called "Percy"), and the team it commands enter Death Valley like a one-legged hyena - stunningly ineffective but still able to get a good bite in, every once in awhile (the hyena quickly learns its lesson when PatHill tears it to shreds with pure WAC rage). Nonetheless, this team is an unknown quantity and a rare out-of-conference contest in the middle of the SEC race. It's interesting to note that the Tigers now have to appeal to teams as far away as California for Glenn Dorsey to feed on fresh b-b-qb. Pretty soon we'll just be playing a busload of Swedish tourists, as no other school will play us for fear of being tysonjacksoned. Fresno State, perhaps the only school where the word preceding "State" isn't really a state at all unless it's now the 51st state of Fresno and the capital is Pat Hills' mouth, is squalid. They are 1-5, with their only win coming at home against hated WAC foe Nevada. SWEET REVENGE FOR LAST YEAR! Just last week, the Bulldogs gave up almost 43,000 yards and 68 points to Hawaii. The Bulldogs were actually able to score 37 points in this rout; to reward this outstanding play, PatHill turned down the lights in the locker room and shone a flashlight onto his lipmink Percy and allowed it to tell stories. Percy started off with some funny stories but then told a ghost story and one player still hasn't stopped rocking back and forth with the crying. To their credit, PatHill and Percy are committed to proving their players can show up against anyone in the country. The Bulldog players have played against some of the biggest competition in all the land - one of the bonuses of being a Bulldog player is that you're able to be manhandled (or as the Bulldog players call it, "Percypaddled") in some of the most historic stadiums around. 'Twas Percy that called LSU and said, "Y'all want a piece of this?" Fresno State has had their share of outstanding players, including Super Bowl winner Trent Dilfer and David Carr, developer of the "How To Take A Sack Like A Bulldog" series of instructional videos. These videos give players both young and old helpful tips on how to get hit and fall, including Flail, flail like the sock monkey!, The Writheabout, Out, Damn Ball!, and Mr. Grasslicker. Percy laughs every time Carr is sacked so Percy is laughing a lot. "Percy" was just a convenient nickname which is now widely used here on this site. The students at Fresno State should be given the opportunity to name the 'stache as they see fit. If The Trough were writing the ballot, selections would likely include: The Good Ship Cloris Leachman Mister Bristles Postman's Navel Ngbote Mbutu-Duanadaki Taylor Dayne The Regent of Dubai Tunnels McGross King Makeout The Tigers are still wiping the field down after the Kentucky butchering, but it should be all pretty-like for Percy and his boys. This game will be WACtastic, and we're looking forward to watching the Tigers hand out piping hot painbiscuits to welcome our neighbors from out West. Oh Percy! You have some painbiscuit crumbs in your lustrous fur! Please remove them with this Sani-wipe lest your willowy plumes be sullied by the presence of this particulate matter! Oh Percy,shine like a beacon for all - show your players the way, preferrably towards the bus. Maybe want to get out by the 3rd quarter or so? It's a ways back to Fresno. Ngbote Mbutu-Duanadaki: 6 Tigers: 42 Welcome to The Trough, a place that really gets to the meat of LSU's opponents. Ok, not so much the meat, but the sinewy gristle and thick connective tissue. We then feed these funbits through a grinder to get a coarse meaty bounty, and that's what is on display here. It should be a given that while The Trough is loosely related to LSUChicageaux.com, it's more like a Baton Rouge uncle than a Tuscaloosa cousin. In other words, what's in The Trough is obviously not endorsed by any official LSU entity. They've got better sense than that.