Commandant Frank Beamer and the rest of his VICKTORY COUNCIL convene to discuss strategy for this Saturday's battle. Tiger Stadium is guarded by the DORSEY STAR, which is protected by a shield generator in Golden Meadow. Several spies sacrificed their spot in Wal-Mart's checkout line to provide Commandant Beamer with the necessary information. Also, COMMANDANT BEAMER WANTED THAT DAMN KRULLER 10 MINUTES AGO.     Virginia Tech QB Sean Glennon and RB Branden Ore get a few pictures in front of the Stadium before meeting their fate within. Ore's "WHO FOR HEISMAN? ORE." campaign is off to a great start!.     AWWW YEAH HOKIEBIRD One down, a baker's dozen to go. This week - one of the biggest games in Death Valley. A huge matchup between the ferocious Tiger defense and the fundamentally sound punt coverage of Virginia Polytechnic Institute. While the Tigers humiliated the Stayht team last week, Virginia Polytechnic Institute struggled against East Carolina. We looked on a map and all we could find was North Carolina and South Carolina...which means East Carolina is a phantom! No wonder they were such a formidable foe. You can't very well block the punt of a phantom, and if you try to stomp on a spectre's legs when he's on the ground, well first he doesn't have any legs and second good luck with that don't call me when your cat begins vomiting cobras. We concede that we could have just missed East Carolina on the map; though we did look all over the Atlantic. Actually, not finding them makes them even more terrifying - a phantom island! This very matchup played out several years ago in Blacksburg, where the Hoagies put a hurt on the Tigers. The stadium was a one-way Lane. Hahaha get it? Shut up. This time, we welcome the Hoagies to our parts, and invite them and their shrimp-fat-orange and venison-sausage-maroon fans to come our valley and see what all the fuss is about. Payback is a dish best served...uh...like boudin. You know, you can heat the skin and it gets crispy, but some people like to eat the skin and other people think it's like eating a prophylactic (who do they think we are, Ed Orgeron?). The Trough likes the skin. So you pretty much have "payback" in an intestine...is it any wonder why we're ranked #2? With dramatic storylines and national TV and a new tiger and a fevered national championship race in the balance, this is the game that Tiger fans have been waiting for for a long time. This is why we consume all of those spicy encased meats, kids. Get your yellbox wet with the ethanol - we're going to need your grunt. Because "poly" means "many," we are taking a cue from Virginia Polytechnic Institute and using it here: we hope Dorsey has many sacks...that is, polysacks. We're looking into usage rights as "polysacks" might already be in use in Alabama; those privates ain't going to describe themselves, pal. When playing at home against phantom islands, the Hoagies run out to "Enter Sandman" by Metallica. This is so easy because everyone knows that you just dodge the jabs. Many of the buildings at Virginia Tech are made of a limestone medley called Hokie Stone. Hokie Stone includes dolomite, which is different from the Human Tornado, Rudy Ray Moore. Though if Mr. Moore is reading this, please know that there is plenty of you to go around and yes, you could be a part of every building and we're terribly sorry if we've offended you we've wired the money and shipped the Toblerone. There are several constellations visible in the September sky? They include Aquila (the eagle), Capricornus (the sea goat, or the Fulmer), and Cygnus (the swan). We only mention this to give Mr. Glennon something to do when he's on his back. Tigers 27 Hoagies: 10 Welcome to The Trough, a place that really gets to the meat of LSU's opponents. Ok, not so much the meat, but the sinewy gristle and thick connective tissue. We then feed these funbits through a grinder to get a coarse meaty bounty, and that's what is on display here. It should be a given that while The Trough is loosely related to LSUChicageaux.com, it's more like a Baton Rouge uncle than a Tuscaloosa cousin. In other words, what's in The Trough is obviously not endorsed by any official LSU entity. They've got better sense than that.