For a few years now, Ole Miss has been trying to find a different iteration of their mascot; the results thus far have been an unbridled display of haplessness. Because The Trough is always here to help, we present to Ole Miss - finally - a mascot that truly represents who they are as a community. Ole Miss, please let us know when you'll be throwing us a "thank you" party and we'll shower and stuff.     This was initially going to be a powerful metaphor, but why waste the energy? Ole Miss sucks. Geaux to hell, you bastards! Oh, the football gods work in such mysterious ways...sending a hero in the shape of a Zook! You crafty devils...we didn't even have to squeeze that foil pack of ranch dressing into the Sea Monkeys den, and lo and behold, you sent a gift! Ron, what awesomeness has thou wrought? This is so much better than when you punched that frat dude in the mouth. Mr. Zook, we say, "Merci." You're like one of those people on a 2 lane highway that gets over on the shoulder so you can pass. Not only did you clear up the passing lane for the Tigers, but you did it against sweatervested prim Mr. Meepers and his GREATEST DEFENSE EVER, the Fighting Herbstreits. Much obliged; we're mailing the boudin now, wrapped in genuine felt. This week, oh my. If the path to the national championship is walking up steps, consider this week to be the stair that is stained from dog excrement and covered in mold, with chunks of chicken salad covered in ants. It's also the step upon which one would rest their red SOLO cup of dipspit, or "Oxford citronella." That's right, wild boys and girls...it's Ole Miss week. The 2003 West Co-Champions and non-bowl-eligible Rebels welcome the Tigers into their trashrena for another chapter in the acrid rivalry. There's a lot more at stake than just some crappy pointless "co-champions" pennant; the RUNTS would love nothing more than to derail the Tigers' run. Well, ok, they would probably prefer a new chafing dish to put in the back of the truck where they could serve some dip that is more than 80% "Jimmy Dean." But the derailing thing is a close second. Last years scrum saw the RUNTS bring their very best game to Baton Rouge; the result for them was a heartbreaking loss, but it wasn't all bad: a new "2006 - Took LSU to OT" pennant was erected in the south endzone, and the Oracle of the Mannings was showered with many convenience store egg rolls. Heck, even the Grotto of P-Willie got a Heath bar and the strip loin side of a Porterhouse out of the deal. Even that Hottie Todd got some love. The last time LSU and the RUNTS met in a contest of this significance, there was a Heisman candidate at the helm of the Rebels; a special lad who emitted the holy light of the NotPeyton, a boy who would capture Co-Champion pennants and make the Walk of Champions a-l-m-o-s-t legit. His career ended in true Rebel fashion...on the ground, confused, and angry. Like a small pig who doesn't get the amount of food his siblings get, you might say. But THIS time around...well, who knows what we're going to get? Is it Seth Adams, who might as well as start for the other team? Or is it Brent Schaeffer, that College of the Redwoods hero, and SEC quarterback since 1983? Or will it be TEQB Robert Lane? Oh, the anticipation! Our defensive line must feel like they're at a Golden Corral. I can hear one of the linemen now..."Why, yes, these chicken tenders would be fantastic on top of this meatloaf, and hand me the ladle for that nacho cheese, friend. All of these goodies will converge in my mouthGrove and have their own Walk of Champions through my innards!" The wild(boy)card in this entire scuffle is the man, the myth, the oaf...Coach Ogrewrong. The barrel-shapped minotaur will be prowling the sideline, screaming unintelligible swamp gibberish (which kinda sounds like Cookie Monster, if Cookie Monster ate live chickens instead of cookies), and wildly gesticulating with the grace of an estrous rhino. It is good that the game is in Oxford, because that's where all the reinforced cages and tranquilizers are located. Of course, with the way the Rebs have been playing, they're pretty much all out of tranqs, having been commandeered for the fans. Of course the rambling lummox received a contract extension, and there was much rejoicing in the land of the Tigers. Are there any bright spots? Anything at all upon which the Ole Miss faithful can hang their tattered caps, unleashing a beautiful mane of Delta silky hair? BenJarvus John:Parker Sarah Jessica Wilson Green-Heisman runs with authority, but wouldn't you too if your coach was a Galliano Yeti? We keep coming up empty. OH! Wait! How we could forget about The Enchanted Grove, filled with magical sluts? With red pantaloons and snappy bow ties, Hiram and Sandiford and Taylor and Whitman and Grisham Jackson Stonewall IIIVXI get together and have themselves a damned SOIREE. "Yessir, that is Col. Reb made out of deviled ham, grab a Ritz and taste luxury dancing across your tongue." No pennant this year, sorry. No bowl, either. Good news, RUNTS? You won't have anything to do during the holidays, so go on - those khakis on clearance ain't gonna buy themselves. SEC West Champions all by their lonesome: 55, Khaki Suckers: 3 Welcome to The Trough, a place that really gets to the meat of LSU's opponents. Ok, not so much the meat, but the sinewy gristle and thick connective tissue. We then feed these funbits through a grinder to get a coarse meaty bounty, and that's what is on display here. It should be a given that while The Trough is loosely related to LSUChicageaux.com, it's more like a Baton Rouge uncle than a Tuscaloosa cousin. In other words, what's in The Trough is obviously not endorsed by any official LSU entity. They've got better sense than that.